so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
