I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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