Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
