Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
