I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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