i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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