We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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