another moral hangover. fuck.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize