Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
