maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
