I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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