i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
