It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
