There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
