and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
