Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
