I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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