My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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