Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
