I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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