woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
