Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
