dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
