I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
