Where is the hickey?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
