What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
