if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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