She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
