so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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