I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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