While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
