I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
