My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
