Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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