She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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