we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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