Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
