super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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