Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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