In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
