What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
