We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
