he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
