I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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