What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
