Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
