so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
