i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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