I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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