a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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