I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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