He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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