yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This beer is not sobering me up at all
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
