if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
