Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
