Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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