The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
