I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
