You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
