sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
