he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize