Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
