OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
