lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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