Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The power of my boobs compel you
my liver is dry heaving
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
