those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
