i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
