Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
