i permit you to call me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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