Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
