Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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