Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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