Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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