Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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