who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
