hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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