My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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