dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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