I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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