Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
