Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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