I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
