I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
