She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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