I cannot find my penis.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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