my soul wont recognize me after tonight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
